Beyond Belief… Lies Insanity

Posted on May 31, 2006 by Abacquer

Fundamentalism is pretty scary. Anybody nutty enough to kill a person just because they don't believe in that's person's particular fictional superbeing should be locked up for the benefit of all mankind. And yet Dominionism (the belief that Christians have a divine mandate from God to dominate the Earth) is alive and well among America's Christian population, and we really should sit up and take notice. Due for release in October 2006 is “Left Behind Games” latest offering: Left Behind — Eternal Forces. A video game in which Christian soldiers are called upon to raid the streets of New York City where they must convert or kill liberals, moderate Christians, Catholics, Jews, homosexuals — pretty much anyone who doesn't fit into the dominionist Christian worldview. Yeah you heard that right. Here. In America. Melting pot of diversity? Or cesspool of intolerance? …

From the article The Purpose Driven Life Takers (Talk2Action.org):

…This game immerses children in present-day New York City — 500 square blocks, stretching from Wall Street to Chinatown, Greenwich Village, the United Nations headquarters, and Harlem. The game rewards children for how effectively they role play the killing of those who resist becoming a born again Christian. The game also offers players the opportunity to switch sides and fight for the army of the AntiChrist, releasing cloven-hoofed demons who feast on conservative Christians and their panicked proselytes…

With kids all situations are opportunities to learn. What are they taught by being allowed to play the “Antichrist”? Simple: this is what will happen to you if you don't fight for God.

From the article The Purpose Driven Life Takers (Talk2Action.org):

…Is this paramilitary mission simulator for children anything other than prejudice and bigotry using religion as an organizing tool to get people in a violent frame of mind? The dialogue includes people saying, “Praise the Lord,” as they blow infidels away…

Sound familiar? Allahu akbar, anyone? Let us be like the beheaders and the self-exploders who praise the almighty before committing horrendous acts of inhumanity in the name of their imaginary friend?

From the article The Purpose Driven Life Takers (Talk2Action.org):

…The designers intend this game to become the first dominionist warrior game to break through in the popular culture due to its violent scenarios and realistic graphics, lighting, and sound effects. Its creators expect it to earn a rating of T for Teen. How violent is that? That's the rating shared by Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell – Chaos Theory, a top selling game in which high-tech gadgets and high-powered weapons – frag grenades, shotguns, assault rifles, and submachine guns — are used to terminate enemies with extreme prejudice.

Could such a violent, dominionist Christian video game really break through to the popular culture? Well, it is based on a series of books that have already set sales records – the blockbuster Left Behind series of 14 novels by writer Jerry B. Jenkins and his visionary collaborator, retired Southern Baptist minister Tim LaHaye. “We hope teenagers like the game,” Mr. LaHaye told the Los Angeles Times. “Our real goal is to have no one left behind.”…

As in “left behind after the rapture“… the zany belief that before the endtimes, God will take the righteous up into heaven (physically) leaving the world to the godless before its destruction. Apparently leaving no-one behind to suffer includes killing them.

From the article The Purpose Driven Life Takers (Talk2Action.org):

…The firm's CEO is relying on network marketing through pastoral networks as a key part of his business plan, according to a report in the March 6, 2006, issue of Newsweek Magazine:

Left Behind Games CEO Troy Lyndon, whose company went public in February, says the game's Christian themes will grab the audience that didn't mind gore in “The Passion of the Christ.” “We've thought through how the Christian right and the liberal left will slam us,” says Lyndon. “But megachurches are very likely to embrace this game.” Though it will be marketed directly to congregations, Forces will also have a secular ad campaign in gaming magazines.

As part of its marketing pitch, Left Behind Games hypes the realism with which it portrays the neighborhoods of New York City. There is, for the most part, a remarkable verisimilitude except for one detail – all of the ambulances have 911 painted on their roofs. In the reality-based world, most ambulances have a red cross on top. Yet the game designers make prominent use of these 911 ambulances to evoke the tragic events of September 11, 2001. The historical context of 911 is invoked as if to say, We are living in the End Times, and Muslims are among the kinds of infidels whom you should fear, whom you should be prepared to kill for your cause…

By now you may be wondering if this can possibly be a true story? It sounds unimaginable, doesn't it? Typical urban legend fodder, right? That's what I thought, too.

It's real.

Friends, I make no secret of the fact that I enjoy violent video games. I can tell the difference between fictional violence and imaginary violence–I'm far more disturbed in the message of intolerance this game carries. It seems clearly designed to reinforce xenophobic hostility. There is nothing heavenly or Christlike in this message. Christ (at least as written of in the New Testament) preached humility and humanity. More than practically anything else he made clear that judgement and retribution were the purview of God, not man. It appears over and over again in the New Testament. “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” “Judge not, that ye be not judged.” “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.”

Christ's position on humility is clear in Matthew 5:38-47:

38: Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:

39: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.

40: And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also.

41: And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.

42: Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.

43: Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

44: But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

45: That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

46: For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?

47: And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?

Christ was a liberal. There is nothing remotely Christian to be found in dominionism. This “Warriors for God” bullshit is just that. Bullshit. And it has nothing to do with any value the Jesus of the New Testament held dear or publicly espoused. Although I am not a believer, much of Jesus of Nazareth's teachings (at least as represented in the New Testament) resonate with Humanist mores like mine. How sad that they do not resonate with some of his most ardent followers.

I find it amusing that we shake our heads at the Middle East in disbelief over the atrocities commited in the name of Allah. Newsflash: we've got wacko fundies here folks, infiltrating our government, preaching hate, and talking of dominion. Perhaps we shouldn't judge the speck in our Muslim brother's eye…

Hat tip to God Is For Suckers for the story…

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Posted on May 31, 2006 by Abacquer

Please join me in wishing my father, Doug, a happy 67'th birthday–a wish well deserved for one of the most wonderful people I've ever known. I'm biased of course, but it's hard not to think well of someone who has been there when you needed them for pretty much your entire life. Perhaps picking your kid up and dusting them off when they're down, challenging them to see the world in a new way, teaching them everything from basic math to driving, instilling in them a fascination for science and an appreciation of critical thinking, and presenting a strong moral example are just part of the job description for any parent. But I'm grateful just the same.

Happy day, Pop! See you this weekend!

Movie Review — BloodRayne

Posted on May 31, 2006 by Abacquer

I picked up the BloodRayne Director's Cut DVD last week and watched it the same evening. Rayne, the bitchy and beautiful dhampir (half-vampire) who slices up nazis and evil vampires in the BloodRayne video games (BloodRayne and BloodRayne II by Majesco) is such an interesting character that I had been really anticipating the BloodRayne movie right up until I discovered Uwe Boll was directing it. I figured that would pretty much be the kiss of death for it. But I decided to give it a chance and went out and got the DVD anyway…

If you are surprised to discover that BloodRayne is already on DVD, you're not alone. It was theoretically released on January 6th, but somehow it never got into any cinemas near me and I never saw it advertised on television. And now a scant 5 months later, it's already out on DVD. I don't know about you, but I call that “straight to video”.

Now rather than have you think I have something against Uwe Boll, let me preface this by saying that it's nothing personal. Boll has directed some of the worst movies I have ever seen (House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark), but given how much I like the BloodRayne video games, I wanted to keep an open mind and give this movie a fair shake… and I really, really, tried–believe me.

But it was lousy. On the scale of lousiness it doesn't compete with the worst movie of all time, Alien Seed, or even the second worst, Savage Instinct. In fact BloodRayne was probably better than both of Boll's previous cinematic disasters. But it was still crap.

First, the dialog was just plain awful, flat as flat can be, and completely unrealistic. Only a halfwit would think that people actually talk like that. To make matters worse, the all-star cast (Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen, Michelle Rodriguez, Billy Zane, Kristanna Loken, Meatloaf, and Udo Kier) deliver their lines in the most cardboard fashion — completely lacking any emphasis, conviction, or believability. And who can blame them? I'm sure they could tell what an oinker they had gotten themselves into. It is a truly sad day when a script is so bad Ben Kingsley cannot save it. It's fair to say that the acting/writing in the video games was much better. In the games Rayne is a sassy character with a lot of attitude (for example, when attacking nazi soldiers with her blades, if she manages to slice something off she will occasionally note “you dropped something” to her victim). In the movie Rayne has no attitude at all.

Secondly, the gore was pretty cheesey. There was a lot of gore in the director's cut, and not all gore is created equal. Although there were certain scenes in which I felt the gore was spot on, in many it was pretty much overkill. An alien watching this movie would no doubt conclude that humans are idiotic bags of red-tinted karo syrup, and if you stick a pin into us, we explode.

Thirdly, the plot was dismal. You will never be surprised by this movie, except by the stupidity of the plot. For example at one point Michael Madsen and Matthew Davis are captured and locked in a cell. Realizing Rayne is in trouble (since she was just led away, hands bound) they decide that they need to figure a way out of their cell. Cut away to a scene with Ben Kingsley and then cut back to the cell. Only Michael Madsen is in it now, and he calls out to the thrall who has been guarding them. “You there, thrall. My companion is missing. I know not where he is.” Of course the thrall who has theoretically been watching the whole time managed to miss Matthew Davis clambering up to the ceiling and hanging from there somehow. And of course, instead of going to get the guards, the thrall decides to open the cell to go in and check for himself, whereupon Davis comes swinging down and kicks him in the chest. Freedom! *yawn* Second example, Rayne is out to slay her diabolically boring father Kagan (played by Kingsley). In order to gain admittance to his castle she purportedly brings with her an ancient talisman called “the heart of Beliar”. But the heart is so dangerous that were Kagan to get ahold of it he would become theoretically invincible, so she cleverly hands over an empty box to Kagan's crew and nobody thinks to look inside it… not even Kagan until the pathetic final fight scene of the film.

Fourth, the fight scenes were dismal. Clearly the creators of the film didn't think that classes on swordplay and handfighting would be particularly useful to the actors, and the choreography was plain dismal. In order to make up for this, a number of the fights are composed of a series of brief cut shots from many angles, which utterly fail to hide the fact that the actors have no idea what they are doing, and only succeed in making the fights look completely fake. Rayne's final sword-battle with Kagan is supremely anticlimactic because of this technique. This is especially annoying since Rayne's acrobatic fighting moves in the games pretty much screams for wire-work in the movie. But there is none to be had. Ridiculous!

Fifth, in a movie taking place in medieval Transylvania, with characters named Vladimir, Katarin, Kagan, Leonid, and Iancu, one might expect that one would hear people speaking in Romanian or at least with a Russian or Slavic accent. Nope. Most of the characters spoke with no accent of all, except for Michelle Rodriguez who played Katarin. For some reason she tried to put on a British accent, which makes no sense at all since she is (a) playing a Romanian, and (b) obviously of Latino lineage. However her accent was delivered miserably and for the most part she sounds like a Latina–clearly none of the actors had voice coaching for the film. Further for some reason she wore blue-tinted contact lenses… perhaps in an attempt to make her look less Latino. I think Uwe blew his budget on capturing big names and CGI and therefore couldn't afford to pay attention to casting and coaching. Which explains why when Uwe shot the scene with Meatloaf sprawling with a harem of naked women, he hired real Romanian prostitutes for the scene. Probably cheaper than hiring actresses, I suppose.

Finally the film is just poorly executed overall. It contains scenes which make no sense (like the 2-3 minute recap of all the goriest violence which is played just before the film's conclusion… wtf? Haven't we seen all that?) Uwe still hasn't learned that the effects that are used in video games are largely not appropriate for movies. (When Rayne goes into “bloodrage” in the game, the screen tints red and the imagery gets blurry at the edges as an indicator to the player that the character is in bloodrage.) In the one scene where Rayne goes into bloodrage in the film (not during the final fight curiously) guess how it is shot? You guessed it, through a red blurry filter. Moronic. The “hot sex scene” with Loken and Davis is somewhat hot, but largely inexplicable. There's no chemistry between the two, and the film does little to develop any passion between them before they suddenly decide to have sex against the bars of a cell. Without any romantic or physical tension between them, when they abruptly jump on each other, you may find yourself saying “Wait, they LIKE each other? wtf?”

So what was good about the film? Well the score was decent–in fact the music succeeded in being dramatic where the film failed to be, but unfortunately that just made the film's shortcomings more poignant. I thought the sets were pretty nice, and I liked the cinematography of the opening sequence. The costumes looked fairly decent, although not so much on the extras. The CGI was well-composited and convincing. But it takes more than big names, good music, and great CGI to make a great film. Uwe Boll still hasn't learned that. This is a bummer for folks who don't like seeing their favorite game characters portrayed so pitifully on film.

My advice to you? Give it a miss. Sometimes bad films can be enjoyable, but this one wasn't even fun to poke fun at. It's just boring shlock that plods along to the completely predictable ending. Feh. Better luck next time, Uwe.

I'm not alone in my opinion, BloodRayne is listed in IMDB's “Bottom 100” along with his previous two films. And reading the reviews on Amazon.com and IMDB are perhaps the most entertaining thing about this movie:

random comments from Amazon.com reviews:

“…Uwe Boll is an inspiration to hopeful filmmakers everywhere. He proves that no matter how talentless you are, studios will still give you money…”

“…Dear sweet heaven I wanted to tear my own eyes out and eat them…”

“…You know a movie is in trouble when Romanian prostitutes — real prostitutes — are more impressive thespians than the lead actress…”

“…By the time the film get[s] to this point, maybe ten minutes in or so, the audience is already dizzy from a camera that never stops moving and doesn't always stay in focus. The real horror from this vampire flick comes at this point as you realize that it's going to last another 84 minutes. It's the kind of dreadful terror that will evacuate your bowels…”

random comments from IMDB reviews:

“…This guy couldn't direct traffic if he wanted to, as proved (once again) by this train wreck of a film…”

“…Without question one of the worst movies ever made. It made the Highlander 2 look like high art…”

“…Uwe Boll should be charged with crimes against humanity for this production….”

“…I checked out the other movie-goers… hmmm, not many left… and they were all, very much like myself, staring wide eyed and open mouthed at witnessing the birth of a legend. Seriously, it was like watching the first moon landing all over again. This is one piece of crap for man…a whole turd for mankind…”

Note: my review of House of the Dead was posted on Sat 10 Apr 2004

Gas For $1.99/Gal — But Only If You Waste It

Posted on May 24, 2006 by Abacquer

GM, in an effort to get more people to buy its crappy gas-guzzlers in Florida and California, has offered to cap the price of gas at $1.99/gallon for a year for those who buy some of their most mileage-inefficient vehicles…

From the article GM Offers Gas-Price Cap for SUV Buyers (AP via Guardian Unlimited):

…Customers must buy or lease an eligible vehicle between May 25 and July 5 and enroll in the OnStar diagnostic service, which automatically runs checks on the vehicle and sends e-mail notices to owners each month…

…GM will credit drivers the difference between the average price per gallon in their state and the $1.99 cap. The credits can be used through December 2007…

…GM said a California resident who buys a 2007 Chevrolet Tahoe and drives 1,000 miles per month would get an estimated $103.75 monthly credit, based on the current average premium fuel price of $3.65 per gallon, GM said. A Florida resident who drives a 2006 Buick LaCrosse about 1,000 miles per month would get an estimated monthly credit of $60 based on the current premium fuel price of $3.19…

Dear GM, here's a thought. If you want to sell more cars where gas prices are high, consider making more fuel-efficient cars. For years auto-manufacturers have been telling us they can't afford higher CAFE standards… but apparently they can afford to pay $100 bucks a month to tens of thousands of SUV owners across California until December 2007.

Where's the Cop?

Posted on May 22, 2006 by Abacquer

This is something I find myself asking each morning as I drive in to work from Fitchburg. We've got some local road work going on… there are pipes laying by the side of the road everywhere, and for some reason the road crew doesn't include a police officer to direct traffic…

It started several days ago when I was bringing my daughter to school. I turned down the same side street I always turn down and found a bunch of trucks blocking the road at the bottom of the hill. There were a group of men wearing orange reflective vests standing about chatting, and not one glanced at me as I sat there trying to determine whether I could go or not. Eventually I threaded my way around the trucks and turned down another side street and headed on to school… only to find myself having to drive around the detour sign which was standing in the center of the road facing the other way.

The next day I was coming up that street from the school having just picked up my daughter and I saw no detour sign. So I continued on to the intersection, arriving at the same time as a giant backhoe appeared driving backwards down the other street and turning to back into the road I was coming out of. I glanced to the right, there was the work crew again standing around their trucks watching the backhoe. Not wanting to be run over by the backhoe, I shifted to reverse and backed up myself. The backhoe changed direction, pulled forward a little and started digging in a large hole I hadn't noticed before, swinging the scoop across the road to dump the excavated dirt into the back of a truck. Eventually someone on the road crew got wise and asked the backhoe operator to stop swinging his mammoth scoop around so that I could drive past. I shook my head and said to myself “these guys need a traffic cop.”

As I made my way back home I spotted the detour sign on one of the side streets leading to the intersection. Apparently this crew has only one detour sign, and they have to guess which street to put it on. Great.

Last week I came down one road near my house, topping a hill to reveal a pair of orange barrels in the road just beyond. Usually when road crews are digging they put down thick metal plates over the holes to allow drivers to pass. Here they had put two plates at a weird angle making a sort of triangle with part of the hole still visible. Was this safe to drive over? Was someone working under there? Beats me. The triangle-hole thing took up the entire right lane, but no barrels blocked it. There was a barrel to the left of it (straddling the line) and then inexplicably a barrel further up the road in the left lane… if there was some message or implied instruction in the placement of these barrels it was lost on me. So I came to a halt at the hole in the ground. There was the road crew again, standing around talking. A couple of them glanced at me and then went back to talking to each other. Hello? Did they think I was just parking in the middle of the road for the fun of it? Where was the friggin' traffic cop??? Eventually, receiving no cues either way from the crew, I went around the partially covered pit by entering the oncoming traffic lane.

The next morning that hole was completely covered with metal plates, but the barrels had been left in their awkward positions. And, completely blocking one of the lanes at the top of the hill was the crew's mack truck. Let me just say that again: they had blocked one lane at the top of a hill with a truck. The end result of this was there was no way to tell if there was any oncoming traffic no matter which lane you were in. If you were coming up the road, you couldn't tell if someone was going to pull out around the truck (into your lane) coming the other way. Those pulling out around the truck couldn't see anything either. The crew? Standing around talking. Traffic cop? Absent.

This morning was the last straw. I encountered the work crew at the top of Mt. Elam Road where it intersects with Electric Avenue in Fitchburg. This is a particularly dangerous intersection–I've had two accidents there myself. The cars coming down Electric Ave tend to piss along, and they generally don't stop to let you out, and when they do, inevitably the joker behind the guy stopping to let you out will try to pass him on the right. No fun. Immediately to the right of this intersection is a wide gravel parking area often used by walkers who drive here to walk around the Mt. Elam Cemetery. Sitting in the parking lot this morning was, you guessed it, a red pickup surrounded by chatting road workers. And parked right on the corner in the left lane, partly on Mt. Elam road, and partly on Electric Avenue was their mack truck. I came to a stop because I couldn't see the oncoming traffic at all… I couldn't even nose out, because cars were swooshing past from the left at irregular intervals, and I would have to block their path long before I could see them coming. I sat there for a couple minutes, but the road crew didn't move.

I was pissed. I put on my emergency brake and got out of the car.

“Excuse me.” I called to the crew. “Can one of you please tell me if the road is clear?”

Eventually one of the workers looked at me and said “What?”

“I can't see anything because of your truck and I'd really rather not get killed trying to pull out.”

They all looked somewhat nonplussed, but one of them finally walked over and said “sure, hang on.”

“Thanks, ” I said as I got back into my car, “you guys really need to have someone directing traffic.”

He made no response as he walked over to the front of the truck and then jumped back as a car whizzed past. He glanced at me with his eyes wide and his face flushed. I think at that moment he got the picture… you can't just litter the road with obstructions and expect the traffic to take care of itself. He peeked around the truck again, and held his hand up high to stop the oncoming traffic. Then he stepped out into the road to wave me, and the cars that had piled up behind me out into the road.

I sincerely hope these guys do whatever they need to do to get someone directing traffic before someone gets hurt, or worse. I've seen them taking up enough of the road to the point where they need two people on traffic duty! In the meantime, driving in Fitchburg continues to be an adventure.